Old School

Someone recently brought to my attention that a former classmate of mine is now running CJSR, the campus-community radio station of the University of Alberta. This is kind of depressing. Don't get me wrong - I couldn't be happier for her - but this news has forced me to evaluate my life once again and the findings, as always, have not been good. Goddamned quarter-life crisis at work. Rather than dwell on this however (although dwelling on it and making some change would be considered beneficial) I've decided to reflect on what the rest of my classmates have been doing since we collectively flew the coop back in 1997. It should go without saying but this will be a fairly self-indulgent post. Note to peoples mentioned: some light e-stalking has been done to find out just what the hell you've been up to lately. Rest assured that it was done solely for the purpose of research, and I'm not slathering myself in peanut butter and masturbating while viewing your pages. Although that last description probably did nothing to help rest your assures...

So in no particular order...

Dane L. - He just graduated with a journalism degree.

Mike Sp. - Going to school for carpentry.

Rob H. - There is no description adequate enough for the kind of life he's led. Regardless, he's now working for his father's oilfield rental company.

Court A. - In school for psychology degree.

Logan R. - Instrumentation person in Drayton Valley.

Married to...

Diane T. - Graduated from SAIT in Business Something-or-other.

Diane F. - Last I heard she was set to graduate from SAIT's Radio-Televison program.

Teanna H. - Went to Japan to do some teaching there, from what I recall.

Brad S. - Currently playing for the San Jose Sharks.

Blake M. - In the CFL draft, I think? Oh, he's been signed to the Stampeders.

Darla H. - Elementary school teacher. Our store gave her entire class free slushies a few days ago. Go Rolf's!!!

Dustin M. a.k.a. Dirty Deeds - Married, and now divorced. Works in a lumber yard? Used to work at Toys R' Us. Saw him a few weeks ago during my stint as Disoriented Man where we bitched about the entire female population of planet Earth.

Ames L. - Is/was at the University of Alberta in an unknown program. I haven't seen him in a while, which is very lamentable.

Bill F. - Probably something involved with rugby.

Ken H. - UltraGenius now working at the University of Toronto, researching Computational Linguistics. Ninety percent sure it's the Ken I used to know.

Margaret L. - Courtesy of that god-forsaken Classmates site: Hi, I spent way too much time in university, but finally came out with a BSc Ag... Want to read more of Margaret's Biography? Become a Gold member! Up yours, Classmates.

Nadine P. - Another UltraGenius who I believe was working for the Institute of Urban Ecology in New Westminister, BC; but has since taken off for parts unknown.

Matt H. - Architect? I don't know, that page is over three years old...

Robyn B. - Journalist who used to work at the CBC. Maybe she still does; I just can't find any reference to her. Dammit, people, I'm the only one who's supposed to fall through the cracks here!

Colin S. - Paints game controllers for a living. He's probably on to something else now, but because the last time I saw him he was acting quite the snarky asshole I don't really give a shit.

Loren O. - Moved to Ontario and is now a member of the Army. If you went back in time and told 17-year-old Loren that he was going to join the Army, he'd probably punch you out.

Orlin G. - He's in Vancouver and he's a chef at a very fancy restaurant.

Eric W. - After a lot of post-secondary bumbling - although nowhere near the level of mine - he's now married and is currently working at Oras Communications.

So, there you have it. If you were in my class and you're not on the list, it's not because I hate you; it's because I forgot about you. Love, Joel.