Waiter; there's a naked man in my movie...

(Please note that this post was composed on May 15, 2004)

Aah, there's nothing like working a nice, peaceful Saturday morning. At least until the sunshine hits and you're swamped with bleary-eyed toddlers looking for their next sugar fix. That's the sad reality of working at a convenience store; you're the worst paid drug dealer in the world. If you think that description's hyperbole, try selling cigarettes to an old man who's hacked out his left lung on the way to the counter. It's not just the tobacco either; practically everything here's designed to satisfy a damn craving. But in the big scheme of things, that's neither here or there. Whenever I get too many customers and I'm in a pissy mood I'll blame my grumpiness on the chemical dependence of society instead of my own anti-social dickhead tendencies to make myself feel better.

Went to see Troy last night with my ol' pal, Dane. Talk about one unsatisfying movie. First of all, practically everyone knows that Troy loses the war and Achilles dies (if you think this is a spoiler, go read a damn book). So much of the dramatic tension is pretty much lost. However, this isn't a big deal if you like the characters, and wanna follow them throughout their journey. The problem is that in a cast that's this big there's only two people I gave a damn about, Hector and Oddyseus. But this movie from the get-go is pretty much all about Achilles. Oh, Achilles... I hated, hated, hated, HATED that fucker. I still hated him, even after his character started developing in the last ten minutes of the movie. I see enough arrogant, cocky pricks in my day-to-day routine; I don't need to see one glorified on the big screen for two and a half hours. Another thing to point out are the natures of the opposing sides. The Greeks are portrayed as assholes and the Trojans are portrayed as sympathetic. Which is kinda annoying considering how it all turns out. Again, this would not be a big problem if there was the sense the Trojans were capable of more than dying in combat. Oh sure, they pull a couple of upsets out of their asses. But the feeling you get watching this movie is akin to watching a bunch of tyrannosaurs chasing a lamb. I might be a bit harsh, but we're talking about an adaptation of the first (and possibly best) epic story that mankind ever produced. Homer wrote it to light a fire in mankind's soul. Of course, I acknowledge that a straight adaptation would be pretty much impossible. But in bringing this story to the big screen they cut out just about everything that made this story stirring in the first place.

Buuuuut... if you're looking for swordfights and naked men, you ain't gonna do much better this summer. And maybe that's the point.